How To Manage Stress In Your Relationship

Did you know that couples who are able to effectively manage stress in their relationship have a higher likelihood of staying together? Research has shown that couples who have been through counseling, and were able to insulate their marriages from external stress,  were still together 10 years later?

Managing stress as a couple can help bring you closer because you’re able to help each other through challenges, worries, and pressure, which involves both communication and emotional intimacy. 

The thing about pressure and stress is that it's something that most of us think about unless we're actually going through it in the moment, myself included. But thinking about it when you're not under the gun is quite literally the best time to decide how you're going to help yourself or your partner next time something comes up.

Let’s say you had a stressful week at work. Your wound up and short-tempered, and before you know it, you’re snapping at your partner over small things. Biting their head off.  What can you do? 

Here are two suggestions to help you. 

For the stressed out person, you need to complete the stress cycle. 

Research shows that the best way to do this is by physical activity. Go for a walk, a jog, go hiking, shoot hoops, or go catch some waves.

Anything you can do to phsycially blow off some steam. 

Not feeling so physical? 

A creative outlet can also work: painting, cooking, crafting, or heading out to the garage to build something. 

And, believe it or not, laughter really is the best medicine. Laughing is another fun way of completing the cycle. 

Laughing (laughter really is the best medicine), crying, and affection-like a hug-are also winners because they release oxytocin (the “feel good” hormone).

Is it 3 am? Journaling is a great option when you can’t sleep. 

So, what can you do as a couple? 

Have a Stress Reducing Conversation.

I learned this in one of the classes I took at the Gottman Institute, and trust me it helps. The purpose of this conversation is to allow the stressed-out partner to talk and get it out. 

The key to this type of conversation is the listening partner.

The listener needs to refrain from minimizing their partner’s feelings or problem-solving before they’ve been asked. 

After the stressed-out person talks, the partner summarizes what they’ve heard. 

As the listener, you’re job offer your partner support by understanding where you’re partner is coming from.

Ask your partner questions like

“What’s the most upsetting thing about this to you?” 

“What don’t you like about this situation?”

“What is the worst thing that can happen?” 

“What is this like for you? “

“What do you need?”

Once the partner feels heard and understood they might ask for advice or help figuring it out–at that point, go for it. But, if the listener wasn’t asked then bit your tongue. 

This conversation can do wonders for your relationship as a whole because it reinforces your connection and can help you feel closer to your partner/spouse. 

The bottom line, friends, is this: the better you are at completing the stress cycle and/or having stress-reducing conversations the happier and healthier your relationship will be.